The elusive alpha male
Every woman craves attention from the male pride, if not always then occasionally. It stems from our vanity; that persistent tiny voice that whispers “we are beautiful and therefore we deserve a second look. Or that my dress may not be Vera Wang but I know it is pretty, I deserve a compliment.” The late Chinua Achebe in A Man of the People describes a female character as so beautiful that any man who didn’t turn to have a second look must have a stiff neck. Any woman who has taken her time to spruce herself in front of a mirror knows that she deserves to get noticed. But it is common knowledge that we are not that easy to understand. We swoon over attention but we still won’t give him a date. Why? According to our little vanities, he is not the alpha male.
The alpha male is the epitome of male perfection. The man all women want to date. He is the man all men love to hate. The alpha male has been described as the self-confident, charismatic, fashion-conscious, leader, physically-fit, self-actualized, smart e.t.c. Impressing qualities, I know. The more reason why the alpha male is so elusive and why dating is becoming such a hard work.
It is no longer about meeting someone and chatting over a nice cup of coffee anymore. Or taking an evening stroll, hand in hand while whistling to the sun. These days we are so cautious when it comes to dating. And it has nothing to do with guarding our hearts, we are simply conceited. Crazy thoughts circle inside our heads. Does he meet my standards? Is he my ideal male partner? Will he fit in my social circle?
The truth is we listen too much to the ‘tips and rules’ from the world around us, our decisions are no longer based on what we want but on what the some columnist said or what our ‘know it all’ friend says. We read too many relationship columns. We watch too many talk shows and realities that our version of dating as been modified.
Thinking we are more enlightened, we become painfully choosy. We start searching for a needle in a hay stack; looking for the alpha male in every man who shows interest in us. We place the bar too high, men can no longer jump it if they don’t transform to fit our standards. In our own little fantasies, we want to date Brad Pitts, Lance Grosses, Idris Elbas, Ben Afflecks, George Clooneys and Boris Kodjoes.
A friend of mine says women have vision because we want only the perfect part of life. Another disagrees; according to him we are as complicated as rocket science and quantum physics combined. Personally, I say SCREW PERFECT! It is such a selfish word, for nothing is ever truly perfect. We want it all wrapped up in a nice little box with a bow on it. When we finally unwrap the box, we realize that what’s on the inside is not as pretty as what is on the outside. We take off so fast, back into the world to search for the alpha male. The concept of beta male (opposite of alpha male) only exists in the mind because I think every man is an alpha male in his own right.
Posted on November 24, 2013, in Soul Food and tagged alpha male, beta male, conceited, dating, elusive alpha male, fantasies, male partner, male perfection, perfect, vanity. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.