So someone stops me on my way to work and shouts, “Nice top! Keep up the Valentine’s spirit”. Huh! Followed by a scoff…This ain’t red…well, maybe it is. You see I always make sure that I don’t wear red on Valentines. It is boring and cliché.
But on my defence I didn’t know it was Valentine’s Day. No, that doesn’t sound right at all. I knew but I totally forgot. Don’t blame me; blame the economy that sucks the energy out of me that I forget such ‘important’ things. I was going to say blame the government but seriously…how many curses can the government take.
Enough of my nonsensical rants, now that Valentine’s Day is here I’ve got to face it head on. Well, is it weird that I wore red because people are staring at me and it is freaking me out. Or maybe they are staring at Stacy who cannot stop blowing her nose and sobbing because Jack has not called her.
Stacy pull yourself together, and your boyfriend Jack is a jerk! There, there, do you feel any better. Stacy: He was supposed to call me this morning but he only sent me a message. Who does that? (Sob, sob).
Me: Okay Stacy, what did the message say? (I don’t like playing Dr. Phil but Stacy’s whimpers won’t let me work).
Stacy: That he loves me and he is thinking of me. (Sob, sob). And that he has made dinner reservations for 7.00.
I thank management for Kleenex because how else would I manage her constant nose blowing.
Me: (A little bit confused) He has made reservations, then what’s the problem?
Stacy: 7.00 p.m. But I am hungry now.
Okay, I take back everything I said about Jack being a jerk. (Whispers) I think Stacy is crazy; the best part is that she doesn’t even know she is crazy.
Valentine drama…Cupid must be flinching from wherever he is. Or maybe he’s got anger management issues and he is readying his bow and arrow. People like Stacy deserve Cupid’s wrath.
Enough of Stacy, that girl needs to get a life. I think I am going to spend my Valentine rewatching Breaking Bad. What better treat do I need than Heisenberg, the meth Godfather.
Happy Valentine’s everyone!
Too much chocolate will destroy your teeth.
Plastic flowers are a nuisance to the environment.
If you sneeze while holding your Valentine flowers, it is not the flowers. It’s him for not knowing which flower scents you are allergic to.