#Someone tell South Africa: Hell hath no fury like a Kenyan ‘scorned’

Kenyans On Twitter otherwise known as KOT are a very special breed. They are particular on who they choose to ‘love’ or ‘hate.’ And they are fickle too; today you may savour their love and tomorrow get smothered by their hate.

Kenyans may be divided along other lines but when it comes to twitter battles, they lick each others wounds and attack with everything they got. They are joined together by mutual determination: how intense they can massacre people on Twitter, from Kenyan self proclaimed socialites like Vera Sidika to countries that unconsciously make Kenyans an enemy.

Social media has become an indispensable platform, no doubt, and Twitter battles have become KOT’s Holy Grail. Make no mistakes, KOT are the real villains of twitter. Maybe not in the classical sense of the world, but they know how to make an evolved country like South Africa look like Africa’s joke.

Since Tuesday, the hashtag #Someonetellsouthafrica has been trending on Twitter as the ardent KOT pummel South Africa as a reaction to one Fikile Mbalula’s utterances during a press conference. Mbalula is a South African Minister for Sports and Recreation whose comments rubbed Kenya the wrong way.

“You cannot transform sports without targets. But at the same time South Africa wouldn’t be like Kenya and send athletes to the Olympics to drown in the pool.” Now I am assuming Mbalula thought himself wise to allude to a country like Kenya in explaining his country’s sporting inadequacies. I only wish he knew a tinge about Kenyans. We take offence in everything, from messing with our footballers in some dusty stadium in Lagos to firing a Kenyan teacher in Tanzania. Yes, we are that petty and KOT is our own legitimate army.

KOT has fought battles like #someonetellnigeria, #someonetelluganda, #someonetelltanzania and a shortlived #someonetellbotswana (I know you are thinking, Botswana…really KOT. Even, I never understood this one. Botswana is such a mute country, it couldn’t hurt a fly).

Kenyan twitter battles are like pitting Floyd Mayweather against a cowardly rookie. I am not a boxing enthusiast (how I knew Floyd Mayweather is none of your business) but even I know how this will end. The chances are always slim for the other party to come out victorious. And boy, don’t they try. But #someonetellkenya has never been as ruthless, as vindictive and as hilarious as KOT’s retaliation.

KOT aren’t forgiving, perhaps forgetful, but never forgiving. And they are also impulsive. Only Kenyans are allowed to say something negative about Kenya, and even that has to be sanctioned by at least a sizable percentage. Kenyans in the diaspora are not accorded this priviledge, because well, they are in the diaspora. KOT’s insults are homegrown, laced with a comical twist spawning from years of mastery and creativity.

Just say something resembling a reproach (even if remotely) and insults will ensue from the periphery to the epicenter, with everyone caught in this mayhem either by participation or observation. And the insults will pour!

Kenyans are smart and restless. When you say something about Kenya, there is always the reading between the lines with KOT trying to decipher what you meant or were insinuating. I wonder how our Intelligence agency conducts its recruitment since they are so bogus and KOT are so thorough…maybe the word is ‘inquisitive’…I’m just sayin’.

Before you know it, uttering something like ‘Kenyans like tea’ will be translated to mean ‘Kenyans cannot afford coffee.’ Even before you blink, there will be a hashtag trending with your name plastered on it. KOT will rain down on you with passionate insults befitting only criminals like the White Widow. It can’t get any personal than that. They will taunt you and hound you till they get bored or till they find another toy to play with.

You see the Kenyan creativity when combined with good energy could build empires, but that is a story for another day. Reason: we syphon all our energy in social media and feed in its orgasm until we are dry.

After a few days when the heat has died down, the rest of Kenyans will retreat back to social media anonymity and lay in waiting as KOT monitors and crawls the internet in search of any incriminating evidence on a new ‘enemy’ who needs to be trolled. I reiterate, KOT are the real villains of twitter.


About sensoria300

I harness words, I thrive on them. I tell stories. I am dreamer, sometimes a poet but mostly I am a Game of Thrones fanatic. Lady Olenna, Lyanna Mormont and Arya Stark are my spirit animals.

Posted on May 1, 2014, in It's a Kenyan thing and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. So Jenny, una se madi? I am lucky not to be in a Kenyan’s bad books right? 🙂

  2. Reblogged this on Nderi Sarah and commented:
    A good coverage of our KOT army.

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