How to win a Christmas bet and a date
It feels good to win a bet, the way your ego bursts through your chest when you rub it in your opponent’s face. God, I hate such people, especially when they are my friends. They take your money and then make you feel like crap. Or they make you tear up. Then they make it even harder by laughing in your face, or taking a picture to embarrass you further in future.
People bet on everything, love and war, politics, football, money, alcohol and food. Some bets are insecure like who can make the baby laugh or whose name the baby will say first. Some are ambitious like who will have the most money when they turn 25 (I’m still working on this one). Some bets make you gain ten pounds like who can gobble down the most sausages in 20 minutes. Some are risky and promiscuous like who can sleep with the most number of people in a week. Others are predatory like who can convince the girl who’s passed out on the bar counter to go home with him. Others are wasteful, like who can guzzle down the most bottles of beer in a span of 15 minutes. Humans are such competitive creatures, and friends are such a pain sometimes.
My most recent bet was engineered by a friend who has a high affinity for attracting trouble. “I want to challenge you to do something risky this holiday. Something you’ve never done before but have always talked about doing.”
I leaned forward, raised one brow and crooned, “Pfft…I didn’t really mean it when I said I wanted to get married by 2014. That was just the alcohol talking.”
She shook her head. “No. How do you feel about going on a blind date?”
At this moment, I’m perturbed (I’ve always wanted to use this word, it makes me look smart, like I’ve mastered my dictionary to the back page. No?) “What if he’s a serial killer or a rapist?” I watch too many movies that have characters with psychopathic tendencies but you get my point.
She laughed, “I have someone in mind. I think you two are perfect for each other.”
Before I could react, she was already holding four thousand shillings – clean, crisp notes, the kind that rustles in your hand when you hold it. You know, the kind that bribers use to gain more ground. “Are you ready to make easy money? You just have to have the guts to win it.”
I felt insulted like she was ‘pimping’ me out to a total stranger! The nerve! Yes, I was mad – but let’s just go with hyperventilating (where is a wall when you need to punch one). But people bet on stupid things like who has the guts to sit through a one hour dinner with a total stranger who might be a serial killer or a rapist. Or someone who loves to strip women naked like those idle men in the streets of Nairobi. Besides, I have never been one to back out of a challenge, especially one that involves money. I jumped right into the bet. Don’t judge me; money has that effect on people.
I would let you know that I’ve never been on a blind date before; I have no idea on how to behave. Should I wear a nice dress, show some legs and cleavage? After all, it’s #MyDressMyChoice, right? Should I share my opinions on men who strip women naked because of their dressing? Should I pretend to like sushi? Should I pack pepper spray to defend myself in case he tries something like slip his hands into my purse when I’m not looking? Should I pick the tab or do I let him pay for dinner as society dictates? Is it safe to leave my drink with him when I go to the bathroom? You see, I’m in a really tight spot because of a bet that I’m too greedy to lose. Anyway, if the blind date goes well, maybe I’ll invite him to Christmas dinner and introduce him to my mother. I’m not moving too fast, am I?