O ye, of weak hearts, shoo. Go find something better to do with your time because as usual, you’ll find spoilers here as I try to wrap my head around the third episode of Game of Thrones S7: The Queen’s Justice.
Let no one speak to me for 100 days. I shall be in mourning. I am heartbroken. Send a raven, the Queen of Thorns is no more. The Queen’s Justice has been served on the only woman I have ever truly cared for in Game of Thrones. The woman who freed us from the monster that was Joffrey Baratheon. The woman who put the Sand Snakes in their place (other than Euron Greyjoy of course). We shall miss your wits and your sharp tongue. Fare thee well.
She may be dead but we are all satisfied it was on her own terms. Once she drinks the poison served to her by Jaime Lannister (who gives her the mercy of a quick painless death), she confesses to poisoning Joffrey and Jaime just stands there, swallowing his failure to return the favour. “Tell Cersei I want her to know it was me.” A true queen of thorns even in her last moments.
So much for Tyrion’s strategy of war. So much for the Unsullied capturing Casterly Rock. So much for Daenerys Targaryen’s war allies.
While we are still on the subject of the Mother of Dragons, can we also discuss how Dany would fail terribly in a grammar class? It’s always refreshing to see Missandei and Tyrion clarify simple lexicon to her. For instance her latest war of words with Jon Snow.
The highly anticipated meeting finally happens and Daenerys starts off as a little bit of an ass before ‘warming’ up to Jon Snow. Like c’mon Dany, give him the dragonglass! He’s a Targaryen for crying out loud!
I’m starting to think that Dany is a little too entitled for her own good. Yeah, yeah you had a horrible childhood, so did Jon, Bran, Sansa and Arya. But do you see them whining about it every chance they get. Also, this business of making Missandei waste too much saliva, breath and energy to introduce her needs to stop. “You stand in the presence of Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, rightful heir to the Iron Throne…blah blah blah.” My God, it’s been seven seasons, I think we get it already.
Ser Davos is a gem though. “This is Jon Snow.” Pause. Awkward silence. Expectation. “He’s King of the North.” I laughed so hard. Someone get the Onion Knight a beer. And throw in Missandei’s phone number while at it.
Tyrion might look like a failure at the moment for proposing shitty war strategies but he’s quite efficient when it comes to speaking on behalf of Jon Snow.
Did you see that smile they gave each other at the shores of Dragonstone. Pay attention ladies and gentlemen, that is a rare image of a Stark (until Bran speaks up, Jon is a Stark so let it go) exchanging genuine smiles with a Lannister.
At King’s Landing, Cersei is still on a winning spree, making booty calls, avenging old crimes and trying to keep the Iron Throne. When Euron presents his spoils of war to the Queen, we all know the end game for Ellaria Sand. But for Cersei to poison her youngest daughter and make her watch as she rots away in another level of evil.
Aye, aye, all present and future monsters and sympathizers of monsters everywhere, Cersei is conducting a masterclass on “How to be the best monster” in the dungeons. Good riddance to the Dornish plotline. Oh Cersei, how we all underestimated you.
Team Dany better start bringing their A game because at the moment Team Cersei is in the lead and they are winning comfortably.
Good job Sam. The Citadel was nice to us in this episode. No food. No poop. No gag reflex. Jorah Mormont is alive and well- greyscale gone. Now he can go love Daenerys in peace.
This never gets old, piss off Littlefinger.
The opening scene. The brutality of it. The humour of it. The march after the killing. The victorious music. The quotes. “Leave one wolf alive, and the sheep are never safe.” Arya Stark’s revenge on House Frey was legendary – the best thing that happened in Game of Thrones season 7 episode 1.
Channeling what should have been her mother’s responsibility (had Benioff and Weiss revived her from the dead) as Lady Stoneheart, Arya transforms into a Faceless Man, gathers the Frey men for a feast a la The Red Wedding and poisons them all.
“When people ask you what happened here, tell them the North remembers. Tell them Winter came for House Frey.” Arya Stark has never been this quotable in all the six seasons on Game of Thrones. Atta girl.
Then she marches away, fiercely, eyebrows on fleek (as always).
In Winterfell, the woes of the King in the North begin. While holding a council on how to best fight the White Walkers, the first sign of tension between Jon Snow and Sansa Stark rears its ugly head. Then we catch a glimpse of Littlefinger, eyes gleaming with satisfaction as he watches the fire he ignited start to burn. Piss off you old prick.
It’s a good thing Sansa puts him in his place later. “No need to seize the last word Lord Baelish, I’ll assume it was something clever.” Damn, the Stark girls are on fire with the one-liners in this episode.
OMG Lyanna Mormont. The Lady of the Bear Islands is in her fiercest behavior as usual defending Jon’s honour. “I don’t plan on knitting by the fire while men fight for me.” Lyanna Mormont, never change please.
In King’s Landing, Cersei Lannister, Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, err I mean Three Kingdoms (reality check from Jaime Lannister) is preparing an offensive against Daenerys Targaryen. Cersei being Cersei, has enemies everywhere and not enough allies to take on a girl with three dragons.
Enter Euron Greyjoy, the newly crowned Lord of the Iron Islands with his fleet of a thousand ships. Aye, exactly what Cersei needs. Oh and he brings with him a marriage proposal, taking a swing at Jaime’s one handedness while at it. Just rude, very rude. You don’t point out a man’s physical inadequacy in front of his lady err sister.
Watching Euron in action, we have no doubt that he will be a worse villain that Ramsay Bolton and Joffrey Baratheon combined. The beard helps. I’m not sure about his costume though but it’s Euron so anything is possible. Also someone needs to explain his uncanny resemblance to Theon Greyjoy’s Alfie Allen. Anyone?
Samwell Tarly. Nope, not gonna talk about it. The bed pan. The food. Moving on.
Hey look, it’s Ed Sheeran debuting a new single as a member of the Lannister army. I have to say he looks out of place but it’s Ed so he is allowed to look out of place, especially with that kind of voice. Also, Imma need that single on iTunes ASAP.
Welcome home Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen. Westeros has missed you. Dragonstone has missed you. And so it begins or as Dany says, “Shall we begin.”