Seriously, you must have watched the latest episode of Game of Thrones by now. It’s Tuesday for Pete’s Sake, how slow can you be? But then, a girl is not judging just warning you that you will find spoilers here.
While lacking any major fight scenes, the fifth episode Eastwatch was the perfect way to cool off from the Loot Train Battle in The Spoils of War.
We jump right off to it with Bronn saving Jaime from the depth of the river. Like Game of Thrones would just let Ser Jaime drown, pfft. Drowning is for inconsequential characters like say Ed Sheeran who is probably part of the Lannister army who took the heat from Drogon.
Nooo, Dickon Tarly, I liked that guy with his handsome face and really, really weird name. But I guess Daenerys and Drogon had to have their fun. Fare thee well Dickon and Lord Randyll Tarly (you sir I didn’t like).
Despite Drogon’s briefly showing off, there were a lot of moments to live for in Eastwatch, more reunions to remind us that Game of Thrones gives as much as it takes, a surprise announcement from Cersei, Jon petting Drogon (this is where I lost my shit) and so many lingering looks between Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen.
Guys, it seems like the Mother of Dragons couldn’t keep her eyes off the King in the North. We saw it, it started way back before Jon petted Drogon, that side glance she threw him in episode 4. Jon is that guy who comes to your house and falls in love with your kids like they are his own. Who wouldn’t want that?
Dany even had the audacity to forbid the noble King in the North to go beyond the wall because, well, people die beyond the wall. She swallowed hard at that moment, just couldn’t keep her eyes off him and no more talks of “bending the knee.”
“If I don’t return at least you wont deal with the King in the North anymore.”
“I’ve grown used to him.”
Hmmm, love just knocks you off your feet when you least expect it, doesn’t it Daenerys?
Jorah Mormont saw it too (welcome back good soldier), even Tyrion didn’t miss this developing love story.
A round of applause for Tyrion, he had his first drink of the season now he can know more things. Or maybe they are just more terrible strategies that Cersei will use to her own advantage.
I smell a White Walker alliance coming because Cersei, well, is crazy. And now she is with child, or is she? With Cersei you can never know for sure.
Oh Arya, to be young and restless. Our little assassin has gone for many days without killing something, she was just dying to stick Needle into anyone’s throat say like Lords of the North or even her own sister Sansa.
Arya was way in over her head in Eastwatch that she played right into the hands of schemer extraordinaire Littlefinger. The Lord Protector of the Vale planted a letter Sansa wrote to Robb a while back when she was still Joffrey’s play thing. If you remember correctly, Sansa was forced to pen this letter by Cersei to ‘talk sense into her family’ to bend the knee to then King Joffrey after Ned Stark was arrested for treason.
It’s a shame that the Faceless Men do not teach their students how to scheme. A girl has fallen into a trap. Now a girl is out to murder her sister. Y’all think Sansa is on Arya’s list now? Sleek Littlefinger, very sleek but still piss off you creep.
Better news than Arya getting played, Gendry is back and he can swing a hammer. White Walkers should be very afraid. Just imagine a band of misfits Jon Snow, Gendry, Jorah Mormont, Tormund and his Free Folk, The Hound and the Brotherhood Without Banners heading beyond the wall. Again, White Walkers should be very afraid.
Boo to Sam for ignoring the biggest revelation from Gilly – Jon is actually a legitimate Targaryen!😲😲😲
Quick question, where is Grey Worm and the Unsullied?
O ye, of weak hearts, shoo. Go find something better to do with your time because as usual, you’ll find spoilers here as I try to wrap my head around the third episode of Game of Thrones S7: The Queen’s Justice.
Let no one speak to me for 100 days. I shall be in mourning. I am heartbroken. Send a raven, the Queen of Thorns is no more. The Queen’s Justice has been served on the only woman I have ever truly cared for in Game of Thrones. The woman who freed us from the monster that was Joffrey Baratheon. The woman who put the Sand Snakes in their place (other than Euron Greyjoy of course). We shall miss your wits and your sharp tongue. Fare thee well.
She may be dead but we are all satisfied it was on her own terms. Once she drinks the poison served to her by Jaime Lannister (who gives her the mercy of a quick painless death), she confesses to poisoning Joffrey and Jaime just stands there, swallowing his failure to return the favour. “Tell Cersei I want her to know it was me.” A true queen of thorns even in her last moments.
So much for Tyrion’s strategy of war. So much for the Unsullied capturing Casterly Rock. So much for Daenerys Targaryen’s war allies.
While we are still on the subject of the Mother of Dragons, can we also discuss how Dany would fail terribly in a grammar class? It’s always refreshing to see Missandei and Tyrion clarify simple lexicon to her. For instance her latest war of words with Jon Snow.
The highly anticipated meeting finally happens and Daenerys starts off as a little bit of an ass before ‘warming’ up to Jon Snow. Like c’mon Dany, give him the dragonglass! He’s a Targaryen for crying out loud!
I’m starting to think that Dany is a little too entitled for her own good. Yeah, yeah you had a horrible childhood, so did Jon, Bran, Sansa and Arya. But do you see them whining about it every chance they get. Also, this business of making Missandei waste too much saliva, breath and energy to introduce her needs to stop. “You stand in the presence of Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, rightful heir to the Iron Throne…blah blah blah.” My God, it’s been seven seasons, I think we get it already.
Ser Davos is a gem though. “This is Jon Snow.” Pause. Awkward silence. Expectation. “He’s King of the North.” I laughed so hard. Someone get the Onion Knight a beer. And throw in Missandei’s phone number while at it.
Tyrion might look like a failure at the moment for proposing shitty war strategies but he’s quite efficient when it comes to speaking on behalf of Jon Snow.
Did you see that smile they gave each other at the shores of Dragonstone. Pay attention ladies and gentlemen, that is a rare image of a Stark (until Bran speaks up, Jon is a Stark so let it go) exchanging genuine smiles with a Lannister.
At King’s Landing, Cersei is still on a winning spree, making booty calls, avenging old crimes and trying to keep the Iron Throne. When Euron presents his spoils of war to the Queen, we all know the end game for Ellaria Sand. But for Cersei to poison her youngest daughter and make her watch as she rots away in another level of evil.
Aye, aye, all present and future monsters and sympathizers of monsters everywhere, Cersei is conducting a masterclass on “How to be the best monster” in the dungeons. Good riddance to the Dornish plotline. Oh Cersei, how we all underestimated you.
Team Dany better start bringing their A game because at the moment Team Cersei is in the lead and they are winning comfortably.
Good job Sam. The Citadel was nice to us in this episode. No food. No poop. No gag reflex. Jorah Mormont is alive and well- greyscale gone. Now he can go love Daenerys in peace.
This never gets old, piss off Littlefinger.